Dress: Simplicity 2360, blogged here
Cardigan: Thrifted
Shoes: Cole Haan
Today’s topic is a personal one. I credit sewing with saving me from a potential eating disorder. I don’t usually talk about such topics, but I felt like I wanted to put this out out there – scroll past the sewing review for my thoughts.
Styling: The sweater is just ok – I usually wear a black cardigan with this dress, but all mine are in the wash. The brown of the cardigan matches the brown in the print. I do love this sweater – it’s so comfortable! I wear these shoes all the time (perhaps you’ve noticed?) They were really expensive, but they were absolutely worth it. The Cole Haan air shoes are really comfy, and I can stand in them for long periods. And after wearing them for a year they barely look used!
Pros: I love the print and the ruffle. With an elastic waist, it’s easy to wear (though I never use the self-belt you can see in my original post.)
Cons: I made this dress before I had come to terms with the strange sizing in sewing. In my original post I said “I made a straight size 6, though I could have gone to an 8 in the skirt I think. It fits fine, but the pockets would be more useful with a little extra room.” Um… you think? The pockets are totally not useful. The skirt fits, but I would feel more comfortable with an extra inch.
This leads me to the topic of the day: sewing and body image. It’s personal, so I hope you will forgive a bit of dithering.
I have always suffered from a bit of body dysmorphia. I was a thin child, but came from a family of larger people, who watched what I ate like hawks and made constant comments about what was coming for me. As a result, by the time I was 9 years old I was counting calories. When I got older, it became apparent that while I was probably naturally thin, I was also pear shaped. I hated it, and constantly dieted to keep my lower half thin. I’m not claiming an eating disorder or anything, but I am saying that I have always had a poor relationship with my natural body shape.
Around the time that I started knitting, and thus constantly photographing myself, I began to worry that keeping myself so thin was making me look gaunt about the face. In particular, this photo was a bit of a wakeup call to me:
It’s the first time I can recall thinking “you are too thin,” as previously I hadn’t been sure there was such a thing. I tried to convince myself to relax my rigid hold on my diet, but it was hard – years of comments from others had convinced me that there was, in fact, no middle ground between too thin and obese. When you are very thin (I weighed about 105 in this photo, which is way too thin for 5’8″ tall,”) you find that you get a lot of positive feedback from other people, on how lucky you are to be thin etc… never realizing that staying thin is literally all you think about. No one ever says “you are too thin.” Your entire self-image becomes reliant upon being the slim one. At this point I think I could have gone either way – either I would get healthier, or slip into a full blown eating disorder.
When I took up sewing, the size numbers were actually upsetting at first. I sewed several dresses, such as this one, in smaller sizes than I should have, before giving up and accepting that the numbers mean nothing. And since the numbers mean nothing, and I don’t buy new clothes (thrifted clothes don’t count, being of all different ages and having no sizing consistency at all,) I found that I was able to look at myself, and my body, in a different light. If a store-bought item doesn’t fit me right, it’s not my fault. The size I cut is just a number, and if that number is 2 sizes bigger on the bottom, what does it matter? I like how I look, and I’m happy with how I dress. I don’t have boyish hips, but I love the shape I do have.
At the height of my fear, I would refuse invitations to go out, if I knew there would be eating/drinking involved. All I was doing was isolating myself socially, and what was the point? If someone asks me to go out, and I want to (I am, after all, still introverted) then I go. I feel much happier about myself and my life than I did before I let go of the fear.
Of course, all things are not better. I quit wearing pants, partly because I love dresses, but also because I found that wearing certain types of pants would trigger the old fears. I do still know the calories in everything I eat, but I’m able to eat more of them. I’m still a semi vegetarian, I don’t stock snack foods in the house, and I have a tendency to eat the same thing for lunch every day. I weigh maybe 15 pounds more than I did in the photo above? I don’t know, because I learned that having a scale in the house is a bad idea.
I do know that I’m happier, and that I credit sewing my own clothes with saving me. It’s as though I took the power to make me feel bad about myself away from the stores in the mall. I realized the other day that I can look at myself in the mirror now without immediately becoming critical, and that’s a very important thing. I have so many girlfriends who hate the shapes that they were given. I would encourage them to learn to sew, if I thought they were interested, because I think it is very liberating.
If you’re still here though all of my dithering, thank you! This blog has been so valuable to me. Thanks to all of you who take the time to comment. I felt like taking on a more personal topic today. I think blogs show a certain idealized version of someone’s life (I know mine does sometimes!) I wanted to show a little bit of what goes on behind the scenes, the things that I wouldn’t usually talk about. I hope it resonates – tell me, have any of you experienced this freeing sensation from sewing?
I just wanted to say, thank you so much for sharing this! I love your blog but am always too shy to comment!
Thank you for being brave and bold enough to comment on this subject. I think that a lot people, women especially, have struggled with and/or been on the verge of similar downward spirals. It’s great to hear that you have been able to redirect your focus towards a more positive, healthier lifestyle. And, you look fantastic!
Congrats for sharing. I’ve been reading “religiously” shall we say? in awe of your production and interest! & I sent you the photo of the altered military-style dress last night. I can’t say I love my shape, but some do, & oh well. We try to stay healthy and look attractive. That’s the best I can do! -thanks for sharing.
You know I read your blog all the time, but I’ve never commented before. I’m two inches taller and a lotttttt bigger than you, but I’ve struggled so much to accept myself. In the past few years, I’ve realized how much i love my family and friends who come in all shapes and sizes. I never think any more or less about them for their weight, or height, or any other physical characteristics. Now why am I so much harder on myself than I would be on anyone else?
I’ve come to realize that none of it matters. My value doesn’t come in my peel, and it sounds to me like you are learning that too. Congratulations and welcome to the club!
I appreciate your thoughts. I find sewing empowering too. It’s nice to just be yourself and not have to beat yourself up for not fitting a standardised shape. In my eyes you are still thin! Not too thin, just right. I think you have an enviable figure. You look beautiful in your dresses which are brilliantly executed. Your blog is fantastic, always inspiring.
I agree with Karin
Thanks for the personal “dithering”. I can relate to so much of what you wrote. For me, sewing clothes for myself has been too scary – not because of my skills – because it involves “sizes”. I too live better without a scale to give me numbers to obsess over and somehow the body measurements associated with sizing on the backs of sewing patterns scare me in that same way. Go figure since I’m not a nudist. I recently bought Cal Patch’s book about drafting your own patterns and I think that’s going to be my gateway into sewing my own clothes.
It was knitting for myself that helped me have better relationship with my body shape. Once I learned to make alterations in my knitting for my body shape, there seems little point in worrying over the numbers on knitting patterns. The difference between 125 and 145 stitches depends on so many variables and I came to see knitting for my body as a liberating thing. That helped me enormously with the size tags attached to garments in stores. I still go straight into critical-mode when mirrors are around and I have been diagnosed with eating/ exercise disorders in the past. And so, it’s clearly time for me to start sewing for myself as well.
I think what you wrote in this post is an incredibly important aspect of the handmade “revolution” (?not sure if that’s too strong a word). If we make for ourselves, we learn a lot about ourselves – inside & out. Thank you for bringing up this important topic.
My body and I have a very up and down relationship. I have very good genes on one side of my family (dad’s) and unhealthy diabetes-kind of genes on the other side (mom’s). And while I don’t think I obsess about dieting when I do, I’m always either “on” or “off” a diet. I can’t find a healthy balance where I limit my calorie intake in a moderate way. So I’m constantly either gaining or losing about 15 or 20 pounds. I’m at the higher end of my swing right now and have been thinking it’s time to switch gears again really soon.
And then there’s my attitude that swings back and forth. I go from ” I should love my shape how it is” and I don’t make any effort at all at dieting and I try hard to like how I look. When I gain the 20 pounds back it pretty much all goes to my hips and bottom, so I’m more of a pear shape instead of an hourglass. Then when I do make the decision to lose it again I’m in the gym 6 days a week swimming and spinning and running. I don’t enjoy it but I do feel good afterward. I like how i look when I’m on my thinner side. I know swinging back and forth like I have for 10 years isn’t healthy either but most days it’s easier not to think about it.
Then there’s the annoying part that even at my smallest weight I’m still a size 10, and for my height that’s still very close to “overweight” on the bmi scale. Where I am now, I sit very close to “obese”., but I don’t feel that way! So yeah. Complicated to say the least. Thank you for talking about these issues!
I have to comment on that darn bmi scale!! I lost 50 pounds two years ago after I’d finished having babies, and have kept it off with healthy living. However, I have a muscular build. My sister and I both wear a size 6, almost across the board, but I weigh almost 20 pounds more than her! We’re just built differently. So, according the the bmi scale, I am ONE point away from being considered “overweight’ and I’m not even close! At age 29, I understand the bmi scale’s flaws so I’m ok with it, but at age 17 that would have devastated me and probably sent me straight into an eating disorder!! The number on the scale is just something I had to get past. I’m thankful that I’m strong! Embrace yourself
I wanted to say thanks for this post! I don’t often comment but always admire the beautiful dresses you create, and your details on making them. It was your pattern review for Simplicity 2360 that made me pick up that pattern! I think this was a brave post and I’m so happy that sewing has made you a happier person. When I first started sewing, cutting 2 or 3 sizes bigger for the bottom half was something to get used to, but it soon became a non-issue, because I knew otherwise I couldn’t fit in anything I made! Anyhow, you are a lovely and talented person, and thanks so being so generous by sharing your sewing creations and thoughts!
Thanks for your honesty.
Thank you for your very honest and personal post.
Thank you for telling us your story. It’s not dithering. I understand where you’re coming from and you are so resourceful and stylish and I’m even more impressed that you own your body image and are doing well. One of your boot blogs influenced me to be creative and look for different shapes and colours and I’m really thankful for your inspiration.
Take care.
Thank you for sharing. You are a beautiful person. I’ve really enjoyed sharing your sewing journey!
Thank you for posting this! Your blog and talent are inspiring. I knit, and you have made me want to learn to sew.
I will be fetching my mom’s sewing machine from my sister’s house this month, and having a go at my first pattern.
I work at a university and am surrounded by 20,000+ beautiful 21 year-olds on a daily basis, and it’s hard not to compare my body to their bodies. I go through phases of being pleased with my shape and being frustrated with it. I am hoping that sewing my own clothes can help.
Thank you for sharing something so personal. I can relate to much of what you have said in this post. I find it so interesting that sewing is what liberated you! I work with a lot of singers, and I think they are especially overly conscious of how they look. It makes sense, because after all, your body is your instrument, more so than for any other kind of musician, so you HAVE to be hyper-aware of how it looks and feels all the time. Plus, you don’t have an instrument to hide behind. I’m a pianist…talk about a big security blanket to hide behind!
Anyway, body image is a major problem in our culture for people across the spectrum. I wish we would be addressing it along with healthy eating and lifestyles in our conversations about public health.
This was a really, for lack of a better word, good post. I think a lot of sewing bloggers, myself included, feel the same way. In fact, Mena at the Sew Weekly wrote something similar, only coming from the other end of the scale. I’m short and not fat, but definitely femininely shaped and it is rare to find RTW clothes that fit me in a flattering way, even if I buy in the petites section. The dress I wore today for Me-Made-June is definitely my favorite thing to wear ever…it is nearly body-molding in the bodice because it fits so well! Since I started sewing things that do fit me, I’ve felt ten times better about myself every day.
Thank you so much for this post. I suspect I’m a first time commenter as well!
I am a plus-sized girl, and it was only sewing (and oddly, taking photos every day for Me-Made-March this year) that made me finally accept the size I am! It is always disconcerting being two sizes bigger on the bottom than on the top. I eventually learned to ignore the numbers,a nd now I am much happier!
(Ironically I have just lost more than 10% of my body weight due to illness and surgery – now I have to go and take in all my clothes!)
Thanks for this post. My aha moment came after the birth of my son, and I realized that my body was the most amazing thing ever!!
wow, what an encouraging story. I have had eating disorders on and off since i was a child, still working on the body image issues though. Thank you for sharing!
Thanks for taking the time to share your thoughts…somewhere your words reached someone who needed to hear them and that is a good thing!
Thanks for your post and honesty. I’m on the other side of the scale, literally, and it was interesting to me to read a perspective and thoughts from your side of things.
This hits very close to home for me too. I was always underweight as a child/teen/college student (80 lbs @ 5’2″ is too thin), but when I had my son I quickly gained more weight than I needed (and to be fair, have continued to gain since he was born). Now that I’m technically “obese” on the BMI scale, I don’t really feel obese. Do I love and accept every aspect of my figure? Not by a long shot. But I’ve found that as I sew/purchase things that fit nicely and flatter me I feel better about myself. And the more I’ve accepted myself and worked towards a healthier lifestyle, the more weight comes off, which helps me accept myself even more. It’s like the opposite of a “vicious cycle”.
Healthy and happy is more important than size or shape, but it’s such a hard thing to realize, let alone accept.
Well written. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you so much for sharing. This post really resonated with me. I have a very similar history to yours and had many of the same feelings that you had. Sewing isn’t what helped me get better, but it’s what has kept me better. My love of sewing, knitting and thrifting has kept me away from stores that label me XL (I’m a healthy and athletic 145lbs at 5’10″ that used to be 118lbs) because of my pear shaped body. After I recovered, I used to cringe when salesgirls would ask for my size and then say “Oh, but you look so skinny…I guess you’re tall.” The last thing I needed for my health was for my size to be constantly labeled and judged. Through sewing I am able to have positive relationship with my body and my clothes – a way to be creative and express myself.
After the birth of my second child I found myself in the awkward position of buying non-pregnancy pants for the first time in almost 2 years. (with my oldest being the active 2.5 year old that she was, and carrying around an infant, i needed pants!) and i couldn’t find a thing that fit me.
I shopped and I shopped and I couldn’t find anything. Finally after the most embarrassing moment of being stuck (literally trapped) in a Macy’s changing room with my oldest screaming and my newborn strapped to my body I realized I needed to start making my own clothes.
It was incredibly freeing and I think helped ease my depression about my body after my youngest was born. What didn’t bounce back easily after my first kind of hung around bouncing incessantly after my second and it was hard to love my body. Being able to make clothes to fit me without measuring or judging myself was enormously helpful for me. I made patterns based off of clothes that I had that fit me well enough and altered them to fit me well – no pesky numbers or tape measures necessary!
I can’t imagine how much more difficult last summer would have been if I hadn’t felt reasonably comfortable going to a fabric store, picking up some fabric and thread and making myself clothes. Thank god my mother taught me how when I was little!
I think we all battle with our bodies, at some points more than others. Sewing is a liberating experience with regards to acceptance and moving forward. Thanks for sharing. It’s good to remember that we’re all the same in some way.
Wow your post really hit home. It even inspired me to write my own blog piece about it. Thank you for talking about something that is obviously still a bit raw.
I truly never imagined that you would struggle with body issues. You are making me inch one step closer to getting out the sewing machine. Thank you.
I haven’t commented a lot lately, but I’m still here. I love your sewing adventures, and I really appreciated your honesty today and a little peek into that part of ourselves that we sometimes try to hide from the rest of the world.
A great heartfelt post and it gives us a little glimpse of the you behind your wonderful clothes. I too find sewing to be a liberating experience away from the sizes at the mall. As a mum of three young girls I am very conscious of being careful about my language and my approach to weight and body image.(no “I feel fat” days at my house) It starts so early nowadays and I want them to be sheltered from it for as long as I can.
I’ve absolutely dealt with this. I always count calories and almost always feel too fat. Even though I only weigh 110. Making my own clothes and knitting items for myself truly does help to boost my self-esteem and self-love. We are all so beautiful in our own way!!! I’m learning to truly love myself just the way I am. Here is a blog post I did about this, and as it applies to knitting:
http://cottagefairy.com/2011/06/08/you-are-amazing-just-the-way-you-are/
As someone who certainly has body issues but tries to overcome them by learning how to dress my body (though takes alot of effort in store-bought clothes, as you know), I appreciate you sharing your story. I have to say that I love your style and share in the “sometimes too dressed up” theme, but I’ve come to realize that I’m known for being well-dressed, and that’s never a bad thing! I also understand your love of dresses — for me it’s skirts to show off my curves and be able to fit the top & bottom separately. Keep up the awesome sewing and thanks for allowing us to watch.
I have body issues as well and have tried to overcome them by learning how to dress by body (also pear-shaped) which you know is ALOT of work in store-bought clothes. I love you style and share in your “sometimes too dressed-up” theme. I also understand your love of dresses, but for me it’s skirts and the ability to flaunt my curves and fit separate sizes on the top and bottom. Your sewing skills are to be admired. Keep up the beautiful work and thanks for letting us watch!
Thanks for sharing your perspective here – terrific post.
I love that you decided to open up about such a private issue. Thank you!
Sewing helped me make clothes that for the first time in my life I felt confident and sexy in. I skipped over the wading through clothes that didn’t fit, the crying because I felt too fat and jumped head-long into a fancy new dress. Brilliant! I just wish I had more time to sew my own clothes.
This is my first comment here, but wanted to say that this is one of your best blog posts to date. Though sewing has been important in my life for so many reasons (creative outlet, stress management) I can say that the numbers it assigned to my size have definitely redefined me, too. It’s important that we don’t live our lives trying to get into or out of a number, and if sewing can help us see that numbers are all subjective and the act of creating is what’s important, I think it’s a hobby everyone should explore. Please write more of these type of posts!
Awww… Honey, you are beautiful. I’m glad you are finally figuring it out.
I think most women struggle with some sort of body image which is why I try to make a point of randomly complimenting women when I am out and about. Hopefully it doesn’t come off as creepy, more of “that color blouse looks really great on you” or “what a cute dress”. It seems really simple but can actually be a little intimidating because I don’t normally talk to people I don’t know. I just try to think how good it makes me feel when I am complimented and try to pass it on.
Thank you for share this story! I recently experienced walking into the mall after staying away and sewing a number of items for myself. I was overwhelmed with the sudden feeling of “I wish I were thinner, I wish I were richer.” Retail stores are toxic places. I agree with you – learning to sew solves more than you would ever expect!
Thanks for sharing. I went through some similar issues in high school and college. I really agree about getting rid of the scale, and that pants are a big issue! I’ve found it is so much easier to stay at a healthier thin-ish weight without a scale in the house. I don’t think it was sewing that changed my mind but I can see how it helps! especially when you look so great in the clothes you make yourself. I think for me, getting good exercise helped me feel strong and confident in my body.
Thank you for sharing this (another lurker drawn out). Although I haven’t usually had an issue with my weight, there are certainly plenty of other things about my body that sewing has helped me to understand, accept, and compensate for (if not exactly like…). It’s wonderfully liberating to be able to have long-sleeved shirts for the first time since I was 12, and the first time I made a truly successful swayback adjustment was amazing.
And yes, 105 lbs at 5′ 8 is too thin!
. (My lowest adult weight was 110 at 5′ 7″, and I heard “You’re too thin!” ALL the time…)
My comments are few and far between too~~ but our culture has a lot to answer for in continuing to push the ‘model’ figure that is literally to die for in some recent cases. So glad that you are on the road to recovery thru’ sewing for yourself and you have almost got me to go to Joanns again!!! tho’ I do a LOT of thrifting instead
And another de-lurker! Thankyou for sharing. (and also thank you for all the sewing inspiration since I found your blog a few months ago!)
It is hard work to retrain ourselves in a society so obsessed with looks that numbers don’t matter. I think not having scales in the house is a very good idea!
kudos
Thank you for this, I needed it today and I think you may have saved me.
I don’t comment all that often, but I have to tell you that I’ve always enjoyed your posts about knitting and sewing so much, and part of that has been that you haven’t seemed body conscious at all. I guess that has really been a purposeful effort on your part, but I’ve really been inspired and comforted by the way you talk about fit and your body. “I have a this characteristic that means I have to do X when sewing” vs “Oh, I wish this body part was different” is really such a helpful way of thinking about fit, and I’ve always appreciated that. So, thanks for sharing!
Definitely something I can relate to. I remember I used to get incredibly frustrated at myself for eating “so much” … it’s a little sad to look back on those old diary entries where I obsess over a cookie I ate or whatever. The ironic thing is that what helped me most was when I went to college and the girls around me stopped all being so unreasonably (eating disorder-driven) thin. Suddenly there was a spectrum of bodies and body types, and that made me relax into my own skin a great deal.
I feel similarly about clothing, RTW, and sewing. With RTW it’s so easy to think there’s something “wrong” with your body because you don’t fit into clothes in the store – when really it’s the store that’s “wrong” because it’s only made for one set of body measurements that are graded up/down. So you feel that if you don’t fit some “standard” your body must be ugly, or need fixing, or crying for a diet – when really nobody fits that standard, and everybody has a beautiful body. Which is why sewing is so great because it allows for customization instead of standardization, so instead of only seeing your flaws (how you don’t the standard) you start to see your assets (how wonderful you look once you customize a garment to your body).
I could go on and on! But thank you for sharing. It strengthens our voice on the blogosphere when we hear from the entire spectrum of experiences!
Thanks for a very thought provoking post.
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Sewing has helped me change the way I think about my body, too. Now, when an RTW dress does not fit me, I no longer think ´my belly is too big´, but ´the waist of the dress is too small´. This may seem just a different way to phrase things, but it makes a difference to me, in that I now think that it is the dress, not my body, that is being wrong.
I have been reading your blog for a long time now and I am not sure if I have ever commented. Maybe once or twice but I am a bd bad commenter. Today I had to write and say thank you for your honesty, it’s not an easy subject to talk/write about.
I think bad body image and eating problems are so common but nobody wants to talk about it. It’s such a tabu topic allthough I bet about 80% or maybe even more people are affected by it in one way or another.
I have struggled with body image and had a full on eating disorder for many years in my early twenties.
It’s nice to read that there are other people out there struggeling with similar issues overcoming them.
You are very beautiful and such a talented seamstress and knitter. I love reading you blog and I am looking forward to the next projects.
Well, I don’t have the time to think about a thoughtful comment just now (and others have said it already), but I wanted to let you know that I really appreciated this post!
Thank you for this post. I have a fairly healthy body image (I think!) but my best friend struggles and has been dieting towards a “underweight” weight that she was 10 years ago.
Her family, all overweight, bring up the term Anorexia with her lot and I know that she has a lot of negative reactions to (what I intend as compliments) comments about her appearance.
I find it very difficult to say the right thing most days! I think she looks amazing at her current mid range “healthy” weight but she hates it and feels her weight is out of control.
Thank you for the insight
On another note I was overweight in my teens and am now a healthy 60 kg. I am the same person but feel as though I am treated differently every now and then. Very odd.
I am also slim/normal with problems of self-acceptance deriving from similar family experiences, plus Type 1 diabetes from early childhood (tends not to make you very fond of your own body!). Over the last two years of sewing seriously, including sewing for others, I have come to know by own body shape (short arms, narrow shoulders, swayback, prominent rear, etc) but also those of others (wide shoulders, long arms, prominent thighs, etc, etc) and really appreciate that, yes, we are all different, and that I don’t turn that “critical eye” on my lovely friends, so am learning to turn it away from myself. I actually believe my husband now when he shows how much he desires me…… Life is getting better – perhaps thank to sewing and what I have learned from it…..
Thank you for such an honest post. I grew up with a mother who was always on a diet, so I was always concious of food intake and calories. I was always hungry in my twenties but wary of appearing greedy if I ate all I wanted. Being slim was one thing I could do with lots of exercise. Then in my thirties I had two kids and now find I have a “mummy tummy” and have come to realise that it doesn’t matter that I am not the slimmest person around! I have in the past made tops too small especially as it took a long time for me to believe my bust size is bigger than ut was pre-children! I know that sounds stupid but it is true.
Love this post, thanks for sharing!
I agree with you that I would encourage my girlfriends to take up sewing if they were interested. It´s such a good way of getting to know your own body and knowing what is right.
I don´t own a scale either, I just think it´s a completely useless form of measuring one´s body.
I’ve read your blog for ages, but never commented before. Thanks for sharing this post–I agree wholeheartedly (as do many others, it would seem from the wave of responses!). I’m amazed by how buying thrifted clothing has helped me relax about my body–historical sizes vary so much, and it’s made me stop worrying about size numbers and just make and buy things that actually fit. Trying to squeeze into the wrong size makes body worries worse–but when we relax and make things that’re actually suited to our body types, I think we’re all a lot more comfortable and more confident!
I totally agree that sewing is liberating. Now that I’m beginning to be able to sew myself garments that fit me properly and are flattering, I notice a huge difference between how I feel about my body whilst wearing me-made items vs RTW. When I wear most of my RTW clothes, I say to myself that I need to lose some weight to make them fit and look better, whereas when I’m wearing my garments, I feel great. It’s a amazing, isn’t it? I was thinking about this the other day so I’m pleased you shared your thoughts on it too!
Bravo. The culture does not make it easy on women (or men) to feel comfortable in or about their bodies, whatever shape they are in. Clearly, you have met the demon and found a way to wrestle it to the ground. Keep up the good work.
Thanks for sharing. After struggling with my own body image for years, I’m still learning to really accept what I have. I’m inspired to do some sewing: I can’t say that it helps my body image because I never thought about it like that, but it will be on my mind now.
I applaud you for this post and for giving us a look “behind the scenes” as you say. Although I haven’t had the eating struggles that you describe, I certainly agree that sewing has made me feel better about my body. Being able to know what silhouettes and colors flatter my shape and coloring, and being able to create clothes that I love to wear regardless of what is available in the stores in any given season…all of that makes getting dressed and looking in the mirror much more pleasant experiences. Yay, sewing!
I don’t sew, much, yet but I’m looking forward to starting, in big part due to reading your blog and seeing how nice your clothes look. I do knit like a madwoman though and have felt this same freeing feeling from knitting a sweater tailor made to fit my thin long torso while flattering at the same time. It is so nice to look at a pattern, take some measurements and figure out how to make that sweater perfect for MY BODY! No two are exactly alike so it makes total sense, now. Thanks for sharing I love your blog!
This is the reason I want to start sewing my own clothing, too. I went to the mall last weekend and ended up angry at my body. How ridiculous! Eventually I did find some clothes that fit well but not before having an angry moment in one of the dressing rooms at a store where nothing was cut to fit me.
Got my new crafts table built last night (with lots of help from Pirate-Husband) and it’s sturdy enough to sew on. Now, to learn how to sew…
Thanks for this post – it really hit home for me as I can relate to a lot of what you said, inluding the reason why you sew for yourself.
I am a mother of 4 and I turn 50 next week. Through the years I have watched my body change and now that I am older the weight does not come off as easily as it used to. I used to sew for alot for myself but stopped as life got busy. For the past 17 years I have been a 4H sewing leader and have taught many kids to sew. I always start out by telling them that the size on the pattern means nothing. You may be a children’s 6 in one and an 8 in another. However, it is hard for me to take my own advice. I decided to start sewing for myself again a couple of years ago. I was mortified when I took my measurements and realized that my top was going to be a size 10 and my bottom was a size 14!!! I couldn’t continue, the number just got in the way. I still haven’t made a dress for myself though there are many patterns and fabrics sitting on the table. Instead I quilt, with quilting there is no “size”. And I must say part of the problem is just trying to get the pattern to adjust to my body. I have a good friend who is supposed to be drafting a pattern for me for my measurements and hopefully that will help out. I just wish there was a company out there there I could feed my measurements to and presto there is a pattern for you that you can adjust the ready made patterns to!! If someone knows of a company let me know!!
I love your blog and I love to see your creations. Just know that you are not the only one who struggles with the “size”. Thanks so much for sharing with all of us!!
http://www.uniquepatterns.com/
Haven’t tried it myself
I have not been saved by sewing – and I think it doesn’t always have to be sewing that makes us realize that our shape is what it is and we can make/find/buy clothes to fit it – but I (like all your readers I think) am happy that you discovered this through sewing and that you’ve shared it with us.
I am also fairly tall, with a pear shape, wide shoulders and a big ribcage – below my bust is not the smallest part of my body, my waist is. I have a hard time buying dresses because they rarely fit the way I want them too. I knit, crochet and would love to learn to sew. Seeing the dresses you make and how well they flatter your figure are what drew me to your blog and this post just gives me added incentvie to actually give it a go.
I forgot one thing – there is definitely such a thing as too skinny and you were there.
Great post. Thanks for writing this. I think most women beat themselves up over their size- I know I do. I do think that sewing is empowering for bodies of all sizes. It’s nice to be able to make things that fit properly and learn what is most flattering. I just recently had an aha moment about just this thing when I made a self-drafted skirt based purely on my measurements. It was a nice feeling.
Congratulations on being at a stage in your life when you can talk openly about this – that in itself is a milestone to be celebrated. A very thought-provoking post and generous of you to share. I don’t think I know a woman alive who doesn’t have one issue or another around food and body image, but the more we can support and share, the better. I try to be as honest as I can in my sewing posts for just this reason.
So many comments on this one! “Yes” is my reply. I did not recognise my own thin-ness until a series of sewing FL photos on my blog showed me what other people could see. I actually took part in an academic diet research project recently and it confused me enormously, as although I was borderline underweight on the BMI graph, and I had very low body fat, my food intake was deemed to be too high for my (in)activity level and my energy in v. energy out balance was all wrong! I came to the conclusion that what matters is how you feel – I feel well right now, and that is the important thing.
I can totally relate to the freeing feeling of sewing your own clothes. Once I started sewing the vast majority of my clothes, I learned to really appreciate my body. That’s not to say that I don’t have things I wish were different about my body, but I don’t feel any need to fit into a certain “size” of clothes. I definitely don’t miss the frustration and tears of being in a dressing room trying on tons of things that don’t fit. Good for you for becoming more comfortable with yourself!
thank you so much for sharing. I too am a pear and if you ask my friend she would say I have a bad body image. It’s not that I don’t like my shape or that I don’t know I look good. I’m just never satisfied : / I’m working on that though : ) The way you have taken control is inspiring. I do sew and i think the last dress I made I used a size 12 for the top and a size 20 for the bottom… surprisingly this made me feel pretty good. Usually all I can think is “I’m a size 20!” but really I’m just a different shape than most
ps. – i love your dress !
Glad to hear sewing for yourself has been helpful. Not sure it’s been particularly liberating for me. Fitting to my size (thin) has been challenging. Maybe with more sewing experience I’ll feel better about it.
Thank you so much for your post. Women need to hear this (or read it, as the case may be). I was incredibly blessed to grow up in a positive and encouraging household when it came to food, and I sometimes forget that real women of all shapes and sizes deal with these issues.
I feel very honored that you are willing to share your journey with us. Letting go of fear and loving ourselves is very difficult for women because we are taught from a young age that a certain portion of our value is dependent on how we look. I find it remarkable that sewing has helped you to better love yourself, and I hope there are other women out there who take that message and run with it to happier lives.
Thanks for your honesty – your blog is whatever you would like to make it, in my opinion, and if you want to expound on something personal, go for it! I’ve always been relatively thin (5’2″, 105 lbs), but I don’t usually struggle with it too much – except I’m not “in shape”, definitely flabby around the edges, and know I should work out, and I beat myself up about that. Im careful about what I eat, but I don’t watch calories. I pay more attention to fat content, and just try to eat healthy.
Funny though, I would love to be pear shaped!! I’m a natural apple shape when I gain weight, and I hate the “tree trunk-ness” of my waist. I always envy women with that beautiful sexy thin waist, and round bottoms!!
I can absolutely relate to everything you are saying in yout post today. I am fairly thin myself, but I have always been a little OCD about my weight, exercising, and what I eat. When I was in college, I wouldn’t say I had a full-blown eating disorder, but I was very restricting about what I ate, and I have some pictures of myself similar to the one you posted that I now find somewhat disturbing to look at. To a degree, I think I will always struggle with it, but I have loosened up enough where I can go out to eat with people, have some drinks every now and then, and not stress out about it so much. Now I am more concerned about being athletic than being thin. I am still thin because I run between 20 and 30 miles a week, and I do try to eat as healthy as possible, but I am more concerned about feel strong and in shape than I am about being as thin as possible. You look beautiful though and I am glad you have been able to overcome some of your negative body images. I understand the struggle!
Jessica, I’ve followed your blog for years now. I loved all the stuff you knit and your comments/details of the yarn, pattern, etc. Then when you took up sewing, it rekindled my desire to sew once more. I love the dresses you make, love that you wear them most days and that you overcame your fear of wearing them every day. You’ve actually inspired me to wear more dresses/skirts and challenged me to think about what I wear.
That said, I don’t know that sewing helped with my view of food/dieting/weight loss but just getting older and accepting myself. I have always struggled with my weight, in fact I was overweight (see obese) until I met my husband 9 years ago. He helped me loose the weight and understand how to eat right. I’ve had a few ups and downs over the past 9 years, but after the birth of our son I am in the best shape of my life, I take the stairs at work every day (9 flights) and I mostly eat the same thing everyday for lunch every day too. I can tell you the calories of most of what I eat too, but now I’m more focused on eating what foods I’ve tried and listening to what my body needs. Eating right really is a journey, as is accepting yourself for who and what you are. I think you are beautiful!!
Is it possible to adore you even more than before? Although each woman’s response will differ, it’s posts like this help us reflect, stay sane, and appreciate the bodies we’ve got. Thank you for sharing such a personal part of yourself. xo
thank you for sharing such a personal topic with us. it is true that everyone’s lives seem so perfect in blogland and it is comforting to know that underneath we’re all people who have struggles and we aren’t perfect. I used to struggle with pattern sizing (hello size 20 chest when I wear a 14 store bought) but you do get over it. by the time the dress is adjusted to your own shape it’s no longer a ‘size’.
I gave birth last week and haven’t sewed for myself in a year now, I’m really looking forward to getting back into it as I’m confident I can sew clothes that will flatter my post bub body whereas store bought will be all wrong. the pattern will probably say I have size 30 boobs now!!!
i think you look great. you are thin but not unhealthy looking. i wish people realize that commenting on how thin someone is, is just as hurtful as commenting on how overweight someone is especially if that person is naturally thin. people come in all shapes and sizes and no one should be made ashame of their size. thanks for posting this
Wow. I read this the day after you wrote it. I’d say you look great even though as we all know that photography tends to add ten.
Presently I am having weight issues that are not related to my family background but my age and lifestyle. Growing up I, of course being young, never had weight issues until the last three years I decided to go back to school and get my degree. Let me tell you, without a regular exercise regiment studying takes a toll on your body and being over…ahem 50 the weight came one like wildfire. Before my weight gain I can tell you people I didn’t know made the same comments to me (as to you) as how thin I was and how they wish they could be more like me. Now the only comment I get is that my face looks better with the fullness of weight. I am beginning to think that now some people are secretly glad that I gained weight (or maybe even relieved). One guy friend even accused me of my initial weight concerns as “vanity weight.” He doesn’t think so now after I gained ten pounds. I don’t know where I’m going with this but I knew I had to post a comment. Oh, and I do agree, clothing (retail) sizing is only a number and is only relevant to those who need to know (who fit you for clothes). Thanks for listening (reading).
<3
Rhonda in Montreal (PR)
Thank you for sharing! I’m pear-shaped as well, and have struggled with a lot of the same issues. You always look so lovely in your pictures, and I’m glad that you are feeling happier about it.
I also wanted to add that all your helpful comments about fit on the blog have really helped me see as well that the sizes are just arbitrary numbers. Thank you!
Hi, I was wondering where the pattern for that shawl came from. Thanks.
It’s the Pi shawl by Veronik Avery. It can be found in the book “Weekend Knits.” There is an error in the pattern, but the correction is on Ravelry!
I totally get it! You’re strong to bring it up… thank you.
Sewing helps me to appreciate my body as well. There’s something liberating about saying “this will fit if I sdjust it here”, and knowing that most other people who sew their own clothes also make alterations. There are whole books about it, after all. I no longer feel pressured to change my body shape to be closer to the pattern. By contrast, when I go shopping for ready-made clothes, I find it very difficult getting anything to fit my short and curvy shape. It’s when I’ve spent a day trying things on in changing rooms without success that I get antsy and depressed about it, and I know that to fix it, I need to spend some quality time with my sewing machine.
Thanks for sharing your experience with us.
I read this last week and I’ve been thinking about it since — I just wanted to thank you for this beautiful and courageous post. It’s hard, with non-sewers, to talk about the change that sewing my own clothes has put me through, but I think that because clothing is so related to our body images that it can’t help change us with time. The women in my family have struggled with eating disorders, yo-yo dieting, etc, and I think an unrealistic body image can be a profound problem. They often tell me I wouldn’t understand, that I’ve always been thin, but I have the same bodies they have. I’ve simply cultivated better habits that make me feel good about who I am and sewing is one of them!
By the by, I was thinking of you these past two weeks. Yours was one of the first blogs I stumbled upon and I’ve taken so much inspiration from (even though I rarely comment). I bought denim because I wanted to make Kate Jeans like yours, which I ended up using recently for a Rooibos (your posts on sizing/construction were so helpful!!) and even adapted the Rooibos partially based on seeing your Kwik Sew knit/woven dress.
All a long of saying: You’re an inspiration. And thanks for that.
So brave of you to share your personal story! Thank you.
I’m late to this post from being on vacation, but I have to say that I think it’s great that you shared this body image issue. I am so glad that you were able to realize when you were too thin and to get over the obsession with weight. I come from a family of tall thin people, but our extended family has many overweight people. My experience was the opposite, where I felt great, but extended family always kept trying to fatten me up. (For perspective, I’m 5’8.5″ and 130 pounds, so totally normal on the BMI.) I have one grandmother who every time she sees me says, “You’ve gotten skinnier!” I have to cheerfully tell her that, no, I weigh exactly the same and maybe just her memory of me is fatter! Anyway, I hear you.
And by the way, I have those exact same black flats, and they are the most comfortable flats ever. Love them!
Good advice. How do I learn to sew?
I’ve never been close to an eating disorder (I think!) except for maybe when I was 26 and anything I ate gave me a stomach ache so I hardly ate… Or when I was seriously stressed and lost a lot of weight for not eating – but I don’t think that counts. Even though I am sort of OK with my extra fat (I weigh 63.5 kgs [140 pounds] and I’m 167 cm tall [5'6"]) and my very pear shaped figure, I am constantly wishing the fat would go away and feeling bad about it and then going off to eat a bowl of popcorn without my bf knowing… We live in a world where the “OK” girls are still constantly thinking about their weight and linking it with their worth and femininity.
I sew in order to be free, to wear something comfortable and beautiful that suits me rather than squeeze myself into something from the store. I feel sad to see girls and women limping on 10 cm [4 inch] heels, or wearing super low-cut jeans that don’t even cover what they’re supposed to, etc… It is a way to express my individuality and my opinion on femininity.
Thanks for your blog. It is beautiful and inspiring.
Courageously well said! I agree with you that sewing is liberating in that size just becomes a number. Thanks for sharing
Thank you so much for posting this. I’m just really happy to hear that you’re in a good place now and that sewing was a tool to help get you there.
First of all, you are gorgeous! I have been a reader of this blog for 3 years and I am impressed with your recent foray into sewing. I have always been wanting to sew again but I have no time and no space to do. I would love to – mainly…and here is something that relates to your post – because I am mad at the standard shaped clothes. I am slim with thin waist and wide hips (23″ 35″) and trying to find skirts and dresses is a disaster. All I wear is jeans and pants, sewing would literally give me a wardrobe I have always wanted. So that said, be mad at the manufactures who stubbornly fail to recognize that woman have shape. Not at yourself.
This post really touched me. Thank you for posting it!
I found your blog through The Snugbug, and I just wanted to thank you for this post. I didn’t realize it at the time, but once I started sewing more of my own things I also gradually began to feel more at home in my body, and learned to stop worrying about the sizes that I saw in the clothing shops.
Late, I know, but I just found your blog today from a post on PR.
First, thanks for sharing this. You have to know that there are A LOT of other women of all ages and sizes who can fully relate to having body issues. I can especially relate because as a young child I was basically a stick figure, then as a teen: where did those hips come from? (And why didn’t they come with matching boobs?!?!?!)
Second, to answer your question: with some limited successes (and bags of wadders). But I am stubborn as all get out and still trying and I am going to keep on trying until I get what I want.
Thanks again for reminding me that I am not alone.
adding postscript: when I saw your picture on PR today I thought you were a probably a model. And I mean that in a good way, not a looks like skin on a skeleton (I am talking to you NM, BG, Saks, etc.) kind of way.
It’s been a while since you posted this but I just came across your blog through patternreviews, and I just wanted to say thank you for writing this post. I’ve just started sewing but I’m hoping I’ll have less trouble getting fitted things to fit!
I think I Googled hem lace and stumbled onto your blog, which I love btw! This post, though, really hit home – I’ve humbly had to accept my measurements (as many sewing books advise you to do), but I’ve also started to really like my shape, even if it means having to make pattern adjustments to accommodate it. And I agree that sewing really makes you loosen up on yourself, as you can create something amazing that fits you perfectly, which is why I decided to learn in the first place. Looking forward to posts in 2012!